Dear David



Dear David

Dear David, I spend all day writing love letters to you in my mind, and when I sit down in front of the paper, the only thing I can remember is "I love you."  But then, that's a lot, isn't it?  When you come back, they'll all be waiting for you to read.

Dear David, another day that seems to never end.  I came down the dumbwaiter to spend the night in your bed after I couldn't sleep in my own thinking about you.

Dear David, I subleased my apartment and we have just become co-inhabitants as the saying goes.  I just this minute decided that the word "co-inhabitant" is a very sexy word.  I guess I never thought of it before because I never co-inhabited with anyone before.  I guess after we're married I'll think that marriage is a very sexy word, too.  In fact, I know it is when I think of it with you.

Dear David, I found a picture of you and your boys and every time I looked at it I began to feel more crummy, as though what I was doing to Diane was wrong.  I felt like I was telling that boy with the thick glasses at the dance to get lost again.  I felt like I was knocking out Kenny Schroeder's teeth again.  Isn't it funny that I, Natalie Miller, should feel sorry for a beautiful woman?

Dear David, I love you, and I guess I always will love you because you were the one who taught me I could be loved.  I intended to be here, I really did.  I thought about it all night, how much I wanted you, and I didn't know why it bothered me about anything else, and I thought what a jerk I was to be thinking about anything else.  Because what else was there, I mean, what else was there in the future if there wasn't you?  But the funny thing was that because there was you, I wasn't afraid of that.  I mean, even when I thought of Betty and how miserable she was gonna be, and Shirley, what she said about holding on when you find it, no matter what, because that was the only way to be happy.  It didn't make a difference, because that was Betty's miserable and that was Shirley's happy.  I only know that I have to say good-bye, and if I'm miserable today, tomorrow, maybe I'll be happy, and maybe I won't.  But if I'm miserable it'll be my miserable, and if I'm happy, it'll be my happy, and I can't do it any other way because this is me, me, Natalie, and I really never knew it before.